Matters of the Heart
by Vivere Sine Timore
Summary: She was alone tonight. She had given them each the same excuse, "I'm sorry, I have a lot of work I need to catch up on." In reality, she didn't feel as if she could face either one of them tonight. It was still too raw, too painful to deal with.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone. This little drabble-esque thing was partially inspiried by events that have happened recently, so I hope you enjoy it. Please review, even if it's to tell me you hate me._

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><p>She sits alone at her kitchen table, hands wrapped around a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Gazing silently out the dark windows, she wonders how her life could have gotten to this point. Life wasn't supposed to be this messy and complicated, she thought. Her job was already complicated and messy; her life wasn't supposed to be too. She supposed she had it coming to her. She was the profiler, after all. She had known for a long time. She just didn't want to acknowledge it, because that made it real.<p>

She didn't know what to do. She was the rational one, the one with all the answers. She was the one people turned to when they were at a dead end, and now look where she was. She always despised being in the middle of things. Being in the middle meant you had to take sides, and that meant hurting someone. She never meant to hurt them.

A horn blared outside, momentarily distracting her from her thoughts. She glanced down at her cooling beverage solemnly, suddenly not in the mood for hot chocolate anymore. She dumped the drink into the sink and sprawled on her couch, searching for the remote. The TV flickered to life, displaying one of her favorite shows, but she found she could only focus on the love triangle in the story.

She liked Oscar, she really did. But Mal... She spent the majority of her time with him, and there was a bond there that was just about unbreakable.

She could have gone with either one of them tonight. Mal had invited her to go with him and Ken to the Drunk Tank, Oscar had invited her to go with him to a dinner party. But she was alone tonight. She had turned both of them down, each with the same excuse, _"I'm sorry, I have a lot of work I need to catch up on." _In reality, she didn't feel as if she could face either one of them tonight. It was still too raw, too painful to deal with.

She had heard what Mal said. Oscar had heard it, too. She had been dying, but she heard his words loud and clear. He had said that she was worth more than a lifetime in jail. She was worth _everything. _He'd pretended to kill a man, just to save her life.

Oscar understood her. He understood that unthinkable things had happened to her, and that she might not be ready to deal with some of them yet.

But then again, Mal understood her on a different level. He knew all her secrets and knew just which buttons to push to make her smile on her worst days.

Oscar understood the pressure that was put on her because of her job. He knew the frustrations she had when a suspect got away, or when they couldn't catch someone on time. He didn't try to stop it; he merely accepted it as it was and helped her through it.

But then again, Mal shared those pressures. He was her partner, after all.

She knew she wouldn't be able to choose if it came down to it. If they forced her to make a choice, one or the other, she wouldn't choose either. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt someone, and if she chose one over the other, she knew she would be breaking someone's heart. She cared too much about both of them to do that.

With an annoyed snort, she turned the TV off, threw the remote on the couch and stormed into her bedroom. It was much too early to be going to bed, but she figured maybe if she laid down it would help slow her thoughts.

After all, matters of the heart couldn't be resolved through thinking.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi guys. I felt like I needed to add this, and once again it's still partially inspired by things that have happened to someone I know really well. I hope you enjoy the second part of this (now) two-shot._

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><p>She looks up at the sound of his footsteps on the sidewalk. She's come to recognize the sound of them in all the time she's spent with him. She stands up from her doorstep, her stomach churning and her heart pounding as he came nearer. Her hands began to shake the tiniest bit, and she has to swallow a few times to clear the lump from her throat. She's going to do this, though. She needs to.<p>

"Natara?" Oscar says. "What is it? I got here as soon as I could. What's the problem."

"No, no, nothing," she says, sweeping her hair out of her face. "There's no _problem_."

"Well then why did you call me, telling me to get here as soon as possible?" He gently takes her hand in his, and she looks down.

"I..." She chokes briefly and clears her throat before continuing. "I think we should break up." Confusion and hurt flashes across Oscar's face for a second, and then the blank mask he uses in the courtroom replaceds it.

"Alright," he says. "If that's what you want, if that's what will make you happy, I'll do it." Tears brim in her eyes and spill over when she blinks.

"I'm so, so sorry," she mutters. Oscar shrugs dejectedly and drops her hand.

"Can I ask why?" A sob escapes from her lips.

"I thought you were the one," she tells him. "I really did. You're kind and sweet and just perfect. All my life I've been dreaming of meeting my perfect guy and settling down and maybe even starting a family. And I'm so sorry, but at this time I don't think he's you." Oscar nods slowly and looks into her eyes.

"It's Mal, isn't it?" She nods as more tears spill over.

"It's Mal." Oscar closes his eyes and sighs. He sort of suspected it. Hearing her confirm it hurts, but he can't say he didn't see it coming.

"Make sure he treats you right," he tells her as he opens his eyes. "I'm not going to say he's only going to hurt you, because I know that's not true. But make sure he knows to hold you close and never let go, because you're definitely worth it."

"I really hope I can still be your friend," she whispers. Oscar shrugs again, and she leans forward to press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"I'm so, so sorry," she says again.

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><p>The next time she sees Mal, her stomach starts to do strange little flips. She quickly pulls him aside and asks to talk to him in private. She leads him into the conference room, shuts all the blinds and finally turns around to face him once more.<p>

"Why the secrecy?" He asks with a goofy grin. She can't help but smile back and steps closer to him.

"Because the entire station doesn't need to know about everything." Mal shifts uncomfortably and glances at the door. He briefly wonders if he can make it there before she can.

"So... how's Oscar?" he asks finally, turning back to face her. She sighs and her heart jumps up to the base of her throat.

"We broke up," she says quietly. Mal feels his eyebrows shoot upward and he struggles to form words for a second.

"Wha... I- uh... I'm so sorry," he says, drawing her close in a hug. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you break up?"

"I told him that I was interested in someone else, and that I was sorry for leading him on." Mal frowns and crosses his arms as he leans against the table.

"Alright..." he says, eyeing her carefully. "So you chose Mystery Man over Oscar. What now?"

"I was planning on asking Mystery Man out on a date," she replies, smiling softly. His heart sinks and he stands to leave.

"There are tons of cases," he mutters as he shuffles toward the door, then is spun around by a hand on his shoulder.

"Mal, do you know who I chose?" He lifts his shoulders up half an inch before letting them drop. She pulls him in for a tight hug and rests her cheek against his shoulder.

"I used to have a biggest crush on you," she says. "I kind of wrote it off, because you're my partner and because people would talk. But I guess I kind of realized I never got over you. I tried to trick myself into thinking I had, but I didn't." He wraps his arms around her shoulders as he realizes what she's saying.

"So... you chose me?"


End file.
